who?
nineteenth august | ten pea em
"Discretion is the better part of velour"
One of the more underrated skillZor for people in their 20s is looking your age. Coworkers had a little surprise going away shindig for me today with ice cream cakes and animal-shaped paper plates. "So what are you going to do now?" was obviously the most popular question followed closely by "So are you off to college then?" Umm, no, I haven't decided what I'd like to do for grad school yet. "Grad school?!?!" Everyone except for those I regularly socialize with thought I was about 20. I didn't take it as an insult: I'm overqualified for my position and besides, have you seen the pituitary cases the high schools are popping out these days? But it made me realize that I have no idea precisely how old the other 20- and 30-something looking Porks people are; that I can't tell just by looking at them. There's a guy who's worked across the hall from me for the last year; I assumed he was no more than a year or two older than me, but today while we were chatting (about the guy who went hiking by himself and a boulder fell on his arm and he lay in the blistering sun for two days before cutting it off with his pocket knife and escaping, but anyway) he smiled and I noticed a laundry basket of wrinkles form around the corner of his eyes: he seemed to age 10 years in an instant.
There are two guaranteed ways of not looking your age when you're still in your 20s; ways that have been proven time and time again; and those are trying to rock the thrift shop Rat Pack-style suits - especially if you accessorize with a pipe - and by growing the wonky facial hair. I'm maybe a little prejudiced about the latter. I think goatees look good on guys with weak chins, and those men with dark complexions who could pass for Taliban if they didn't shave twice a day can get away with most chin- and cheek-rat type things. Otherwise there's only marginal room for silliness. If you have to ask, even rhetorically, "does this look good on me?" - with facial hair, it doesn't. You look more like the photo on your old fake ID than you did at 17. You will get carded trying to buy caffeine, I promise.
The wacky thrift store suit thing is obvious, I hope. These have the power of transforming a 28 year old man who looks 34 in t-shirt and jeans into a but-by-the-single hair on his chin pubescent. You can count the number of times their voice has cracked since puberty began and then set that as your drink limit for the night (and still drive home). Poking fun isn't even fun; I just want to plead for these things to go away. Thrifting is great, suits are great: somehow they don't mix. I don't know what else to say.
I think it's just about growing into your skin, being comfortable with your body and what it offers in terms of presentation. More than anything, the above faux pas just look like trying too hard, trying to overcome that last hormonal squirt of adolescent neurosis. Get past that and it's penis hats all the way.