who?
october seventh | twelve ante meridiem
!!!
On the first Thursday of each month in Portland the art galleries in the Pearl district stay open late, and all sorts of wonky new media money types wander around, discussing horoscopes and guzzling white wine from a source I never managed to locate. The art on display is without exception complete and utter ferret bollocks, blocky modernist urgh and wispy faux-impressionist smears meant to decorate the walls of people with way more cash than taste. But the people watching is prime, including on occasion an attractive goth/punk/whatever girl who stands out on the sidewalk with her boyfriend/husband, selling handcrafted jewelry. When I wrote my moc parody, I had a look at the site to get the style right, and I noticed an ad for another site called suicide girls. Since I have an acute academic interest in cute girls clutching their naked breasts, I clicked on it (I don't usually click on porn ads, for fear of sticky windows and because, frankly, most porn suXor. But this seemed more respectable). Another click brought up the girl's profile, and I noticed she lives in Portland. And is an artist. "Oh my stars!" I cried, clutching my breast. There was a solid thump as the top of my head hit the ceiling plaster. When I came to, my credit card was lying a few inches away from my outstretched hand, and I realized that I'd just - for the first time ever - paid for internet porn. $10 for one month. To see the cute First Thursday sidewalk art chick. Naked.
I relate this sorry tale because it's the first time I've ever come across anyone I either knew or had just randomly gawked at in a public place in a hem hem compromising position. Wouldn't it be nice if this happened more often? Have you ever seen someone you went to school with turn up in porn or on, say, Pop Idol (same thing)? On America's Most Wanted? In the So Solid Crew? In a Nick Broomfield documentary (come to think of it, I have)? Please share your stories in the comments lounge.